Burnout taught me to value myself
Maris (33)
I worked for several years without taking a holiday and devoted all my spare time to my loved ones. After two years of relentless effort, I suffered from burnout. I felt pulled in every direction and lost sight of who I was amid it all.
Days turned into years, yet I no longer felt present. Life continued, and I played the role of a supporting actor. I always fulfilled the wishes of others and eventually realised I didn’t know who I was anymore.
For a while, I was adept at keeping on track. I handled various tasks at work and met the needs of my loved ones. However, eventually, my energy depleted, and even opening an email became a struggle. I found myself unnecessarily bitter and irritable with my colleagues.
Image is illustrative. Image author: Freepik.
Every little thing triggered me.
I knew I had to act. A friend recommended the book “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. One chapter discussed biofeedback therapy. The concept appealed to me because I felt averse to talking to anyone. It was liberating to just sit and find peace. I was so stressed that I didn’t even want to speak.
The first session was honestly a bit daunting, yet as soon as I sat down, surprisingly, I found myself opening up to the therapist. I knew I didn’t have to, but I was compelled to do so. The therapist was incredibly supportive.
During the therapy, it felt as if my thoughts were being neatly reshaped. It was a distinct sensation, though not an unpleasant one.
Image is illustrative. Image author: Freepik.
The relief that followed the therapy was both physical and emotional.
I was exhausted immediately after the session but slept soundly that night. My sleep had been erratic due to anxiety, with various compulsions keeping me awake.
I committed to attending therapy regularly. Each session made it easier to exist, and the oppressive feelings began to fade. As I overcame burnout and the associated debilitating stress, I noticed positive changes in myself.
I’m beginning to rediscover myself. Moreover, I can now assert myself. After each session, there’s a soothing calm, allowing me to focus on myself. It’s become easier not to dwell on problems and to disconnect.
Now I can finally see everything clearly.
Previously, I wanted to control all aspects of my life, but now I have learned to let it go. Where once I became extremely emotional during conflicts, I can now remain calm in any situation. I know who I am, and I can express my views clearly and stand up for my opinions. If I become emotional, I can remind myself that it’s just an emotion and it will pass.
I have a very strong and close relationship with my mother. However, our communication has been problematic. To her, I am still like a little child. She always knows what is best for me and does not accept a differing opinion. I know she wants the best for me, but her demanding way of communicating has been exhausting.
I have struggled with this limitation. I have been torn between wanting to be a good child to my mother and having my own life and desires.
Thanks to therapy, I have also started to set better boundaries when communicating with my mother.
I understand that our communication won’t change overnight, but now that I’ve found my centre again, it’s easier to move forward. If I act differently, she has to react differently.
After about the fourth therapy session, I realized that while the mind has created new patterns, the body still acts according to old habits. I’m a stress eater. When work gets tough, I immediately want to grab candy. It was as if food replaced holidays or my time for myself. It is a short-lived pleasure. Even though my mind understood that I didn’t really need candy, my body still insisted.
Previously, as a project manager who did everything needed, I am now changing jobs. I made a conscious decision to change my environment and start afresh. I want to do more of the things I really enjoy. I will continue working on projects, but only as one part of my life, to recover and better understand what I really want to do next. I started attending a yoga school and doing creative writing.
Biofeedback therapy gave me the opportunity to rediscover myself.
Burnout was a learning experience that showed the importance of valuing and protecting oneself.Biofeedback therapy helped me get out of a difficult situation, eased my tension, and brought me back to centre.
Over the years, I was able to think clearly again and feel at peace.