Triinu’s Story: Long-Term Depression That Hid Something Else
Triinu (50)
Ever since childhood, I have had a fairly sensitive nervous system. Due to various events in my life, I have had both better and worse times over the last twenty years, which led me to carry a diagnosis of depression.
Over this long period, I have visited various mental health specialists, psychologists, and counselors, and I have briefly used antidepressants on a couple of occasions. There have certainly been good times, but I always ended up back at the same point.
Photo is illustrative. Photo author: Freepik.
The time leading up to the last year was very anxious for me. I would say that I had become a non-functional person. Doing even the simplest tasks was very uncomfortable. Everything seemed trivial and meaningless. It was difficult to even think about putting laundry in the washing machine or talking to someone. With superhuman effort, I would go to work, then come home and just sit on the couch. I didn’t socialize with friends or go anywhere. The thought of being around people caused total mental exhaustion.
While I used to love to travel, suddenly, just packing a suitcase seemed like the most horrible thing. For example, renovating my home used to be like a hobby for me, but now such activities were out of the question. I also felt physically drained; my body was weak. I knew very well that I was stuck in a vicious cycle and couldn’t go on like this.
Completely by chance, I came across a post about MER Biofeedback® therapy on social media and thought, “What do I have to lose?” I reasoned with myself that the situation was pretty hopeless, but I’d go anyway. Reading about the therapy, I was encouraged by the description that you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I didn’t want to start telling the same story all over again, a story I had already told countless times to other therapists.
Paradoxically, I sat down in the therapy room and immediately started talking. I just connected with the therapist so well. For the first time in my life, I felt that everything I was saying was okay. I felt no false shame or guilt, and nothing I said seemed strange. I felt completely accepted. In the past, when communicating with other therapists, I often felt like a subject, but in MER Biofeedback® therapy, I feel respected and autonomous.
I am the one who leads the processes, and I hold the power to change things.
I went into biofeedback therapy with the knowledge that I was a depressed person. The therapist took my measurements with the machine and said she saw many things, but not depression. For the first time in a long time, I felt hope again that perhaps it was still possible to overcome all of this. After my first MER Biofeedback® therapy session, I felt like I had broken out of a vicious cycle because I had done something differently, and I received confirmation that doing things differently is possible.
At the same time, I also understood that it’s not as simple as walking out of the therapy room and everything being instantly okay. The most important thing was regaining hope. I’ve also gone to therapy on bad days since then and have always left feeling much calmer. Biofeedback therapy helps to reduce anxiety and heaviness for a while. And when that baseline anxiety is lowered and you have the motivation, it becomes possible to take the next steps. No therapy will make you well if you don’t participate yourself. Biofeedback therapy initially shows you the way and then supports you on the journey. I personally work on myself daily and attend biofeedback therapy once a month to get confirmation that I’m on the right path.
I’ve now been attending therapy regularly for about a year, and the change has been significant. Just before starting biofeedback therapy, I was in a deep funk for nearly half a year. I had all the symptoms indicative of depression. Thanks to biofeedback therapy, I understand my condition better. Although I appeared to have depression, there was something else lurking beneath the surface. I was melancholic, anxious, and restless, but mainly, I was simply dissatisfied with my life.
In biofeedback therapy, I managed to release my anxiety and regain hope, and then I started taking action. I’m also interested in psychology myself; I researched, read, and tried to understand myself. I renovated my living room and kitchen. I started running in the mornings, I’m socializing with people again, and at work, I’ve accomplished a whole host of things that had been left undone. I have energy, motivation, can focus, I’m more balanced and calmer – everything has gradually returned.
Others have also noticed a change in me. I personally am thoroughly enjoying this new way of being. On top of everything, I now also have the knowledge that even if things get difficult again sometimes, it definitely won’t stay that way.
Therapist
Angelika Randjärv
Triinu’s story over this past year has been a journey toward herself—through learning to accept and love who she is. It is a perfect example of how change is possible, even in the darkest moments. When Triinu first came to MER Biofeedback® therapy, she described her life as having stalled. Everyday tasks seemed insurmountable, social interaction was exhausting, and her former joy for life was gone. The long-term diagnosis that had accompanied her—depression—had seemingly become a part of her self-image. I can say in advance that the sadness and weariness of life were evident in her demeanor, but all of that has receded, and today she looks remarkably younger than her age. Fortunately, at that time, she still had enough curiosity and strength left to keep trying and to give life another chance.
Throughout the therapy process, Triinu has been very mindful and curious. She quickly understood that there is no magic solution, but the baseline anxiety that had prevented her from taking any action was quickly alleviated. Once her inner tension began to subside, Triinu was able to take small steps—restoring daily routines, starting to exercise, meeting people, and creating a new environment at home. It was these simple but consistent actions that brought balance, clarity, and self-confidence back into her life. In the process, she has had to face what seem like various “exams” in her relationships, but she is handling them wonderfully, even while acknowledging the occasional discomfort.
One of the most beautiful moments in her story is perhaps when Triinu realized that she was not merely a “depressed person,” but a person whose life had been filled with a long-term dissatisfaction, underneath which lay feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and shame. Because of these fundamental patterns, she had previously suppressed her true self and acted against herself. This realization gave her freedom—the chance to not be stuck behind a label or diagnosis, but to learn to know herself and allow herself to truly start living.
Today, based on her own description, Triinu’s life is more diverse and fulfilling. She is active, creates, socializes, and knows that even if some days are harder, it is not the end but a natural part of the recovery process, and the feeling will pass. Triinu’s story is inspiring and a testament to the fact that change is possible if a person is supported and finds the courage to take even one small step differently. She has taken these steps bravely and now moves through her life with greater peace within herself.
Thank you for being a fellow traveler with whom I could contemplate and philosophize about life. These have been invaluable conversations.
