Both anxiety and gastritis disappeared with the support of MER Biofeedback® therapy
Katrin (35)
During my pregnancy, I experienced significant changes. In addition to the anticipation of the baby, I was suddenly struck by overwhelming fear and anxiety.
It all began with the thought that I might lose the baby. Sometimes I stayed awake until three in the morning, waiting to feel the baby move. I managed these thoughts by recognising they stemmed from anxiety and tried to calm myself. However, things became challenging once the baby was born.
Everything is new with the first child. I worried excessively about various things. For example, when the baby first started wheezing, I panicked and called my sister to ask if my child was suffocating and whether I should go to the emergency department. Thankfully, my sister calmed me down. I felt fear and anxiety when I had to be alone with my baby. I was constantly troubled by feelings of inadequacy and the fear that I was doing something wrong or couldn’t manage.
Image author: Private Collection
When my child started daycare, illnesses became frequent. It turned into a cycle of a few weeks at daycare followed by a few weeks sick at home. It was very hard for me to see my sick child. Due to the nature of my job, I couldn’t stay home with him, which, in a way, was better for me. Even at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about my sick child, although it allowed me to focus on other things.
Alongside my child’s illnesses, I developed gastritis, an inflammation of the stomach lining. I went weeks without eating properly, only taking small sips of water. Eating caused immense discomfort and made me feel like the food would come back up. I couldn’t sleep well because I felt nauseous at night. This left me completely drained of energy.
At one point, I realised that my child’s illnesses and mine were interconnected. My child developed an ear infection and stayed home, while I was at work feeling unwell too. He had been sick for a week when one day, while I was at work, my husband texted to say that the doctor had given the green light for our child to return to daycare. Suddenly, I felt hungry again!
A colleague remarked that it sounded like an anxiety disorder.
That was when I realised the connection as well.
Image author: Private Collection
I had developed an anxiety disorder, which manifested as gastritis.
I noticed that my gastritis flared up whenever my life deviated from its usual routine. I learned to live with it and even began to anticipate it. If I heard my child coughing at night, I would immediately start feeling unwell.
This continued for eighteen months. I was constantly unhappy and dissatisfied, reluctant to go to work, but also not wanting to stay at home. I found it difficult to be with my child, constantly anxious about what could happen to him. It was hard at work because I didn’t know what was happening with him when I was away.
One day, a coworker saw me at a low point and suggested MER Biofeedback therapy®. It took about a month before I booked a session because I didn’t want to admit that I needed help. This was my everyday life, and I thought this was what people meant when they said that having children was hard. I had no prior experience, so I didn’t realise it didn’t have to be this difficult.
My difficulty was really elsewhere. It was not so much about the child but about my own negative thoughts.
I walked home feeling simply light. I even told my partner that I felt strange, as if I had no thoughts and my brain was resting! Previously, my mind was always filled with thoughts about how things should be and what I needed to do. And I laughed! The sense of contentment I felt was extraordinary, unlike anything I had experienced in years. I hadn’t felt such wellbeing inside me for a very long time.
Image author: Private Collection
It may sound cliché to say that MER Biofeedback® therapy has been life-changing, but for me, it truly has been.
My everyday life has become significantly easier. For example, I never used to drive at all, traffic stressed me out. I kept thinking up new excuses to avoid driving. Now, I have driven alone with my child to and from my parents’ house in the countryside. I don’t feel a strong urge to drive, but I can do the necessary trips. The transition from immense stress to just sitting in the car and driving was so smooth. I didn’t even go anywhere to practise driving as I had initially planned.
A colleague immediately noticed the changes in me. Just a few days after the first biofeedback therapy session, a coworker said it felt like they were working with the person they knew before I became pregnant.
Going to work has become much easier for me. Previously, work-related worries could literally make me cry. I felt myself tensing up if things went off schedule. Now, I don’t even watch the clock anymore. I take everything more calmly and don’t feel guilty if I get home a bit later than usual.
The constant and oppressive anxiety about my child has gone. I no longer dwell on all sorts of worrisome thoughts. My gastritis has also receded, I’m no longer left without eating. If my child starts to get sick, I still feel unwell, but I can calm myself down immediately. Before, I couldn’t do that.
Even if anxiety arises, I no longer suffer because of it. These feelings no longer incapacitate me. I can function in difficult situations. Previously, everything was always hard, and I constantly wanted to escape. I didn’t want to deal with things, that was always my first reaction.
My partner has said that the biggest change is that I’m no longer a flight risk. Previously, I was incapable of resolving situations, and all the burden fell on my partner’s shoulders. Now, we’re a team, both contributing equally.
Huge changes have occurred in just half a year. I would not have expected everything to progress so quickly. Looking back, I realise I had grown so accustomed to my powerlessness that it seemed normal to me. Now I know it doesn’t have to be that way.