Anxiety disorder resolved thanks to therapy
Elena (31)
My life is very good right now. I would even say I am living the best life I’ve had since childhood. However, my twenties were incredibly challenging. I spent seven years with someone who was bipolar, depressive, and terribly violent. This relationship led to severe anxiety disorders for me.
I have never had as stable a life as I do now, but at the same time, I was constantly plagued by underlying obsessive thoughts and anxiety.
I thought I ought to be happy, everything was fine, yet often I felt a deep-seated fear. I was constantly haunted by a gut feeling that something bad was about to happen or something would go wrong. Even during calm walks with my dog, I would feel anxious, fearing someone might come around the corner or that something bad was imminent. I had deepened such fears for years due to my previous relationship. Although there were many reasons to be happy—a kind and loving relationship, a pleasant home, a good job – there was a lack of inner joy because something deep inside gnawed at me that I couldn’t address.
MER Biofeedback® therapy was recommended to me. Now I can say that MER Biofeedback® therapy is one of the best things I have done for myself. Just before my first therapy session, I was in a complete slump, had broken down, and didn’t know what to do next. I felt on the verge of burnout. The night before the therapy, I couldn’t sleep and felt very anxious. I thought about how I was going to therapy, and this wasn’t how I usually felt. Looking back, I probably denied reality and thought things were better than they were, I wasn’t really ready to face myself.
I didn’t know what to expect from therapy and felt that I might not notice any changes within myself. After the first session, I remember one day feeling like I had fallen into a deep hole. I felt depressed and anxious, but suddenly, in that depth, I also gained an understanding of how to cope with those feelings. I had often been in such a state, but it seemed like I couldn’t find a way out.
Now, however, it felt like a layer had been lifted, and I could see myself more clearly.
From there, I slowly began to climb uphill. Gradually, after therapy, I began to realise that I could cope with anxiety. Therapy helped clear the inner fog, and now it is much easier for me to navigate within myself.
After going to therapy a second time, I noticed that I started to sleep.
My grandmother reminded me that as a child I would toss and turn and never fall asleep. As an adult, I’ve always found that sleep eludes me once I’m in bed, and I wake up several times during the night. Now I go to bed and fall asleep within fifteen minutes. Sometimes it still takes a while to fall asleep, but it’s nothing like what I experienced my whole previous life. Before, I would wake up in the morning and feel like I could just stay in bed all day, I had no motivation and was apathetic. Now I notice changes in my feelings and thinking. Sleep is more restorative, and mornings are enjoyable! This is a huge difference for me!
I now notice little things more often and often feel a childlike joy. I am more grateful for everything that I used to overlook. Relatives have said they sense a lightness that has developed within me. My apathy no longer emanates from me because it’s gone.
The evening before my third therapy session, I started thinking about when I last felt anxiety and realised I had no idea! I tried to remember, and I just don’t know. Anxiety disorders were so prominent and everyday in my life! Now they are just a vague memory. I am incredibly grateful for this. I no longer think so much about the life stage from which my anxiety and fears stemmed. When I do think about it, it’s in the key of how powerful I am for having helped myself out of that place. I value myself more highly. The anxiety disorder and fears have disappeared, social anxiety is less, and the joy of life is back.
I recommend MER Biofeedback® therapy to anyone who struggles to fall asleep, who has an anxiety disorder or unexplained fears, and to people who have experienced violence.
Leaving a violent relationship, I realised how many such behind-the-scenes secrets there actually are. Perhaps had I engaged in biofeedback at that time, it would have clarified my vision and I would have started on my healing sooner. Fortunately, I am proof to myself that it is never too late, and I hope that my experience gives courage to others in similar situations.